The prompt for this week is…
He insists on dressing himself these days and he’s discovered the boxes of clothes that are too big for him underneath his bed that I’ve been storing away for later. I try to tell him that they don’t fit and that he looks silly running around like a little gangster with pants that don’t stay up and shirts that look two sizes too big…but he won’t listen. Maybe he’s started looking at the tags and realized that I was still dressing him in 2T clothes even though he’s almost 4. He’s not my baby anymore and he wants so badly to be one of the big boys. Sometimes I think he’s a three and a half year old going on seven, trapped in a two year old’s body. Maybe all the food he’s consuming is going only to his brain. This in between stage is hard on little boys.
This morning I lost it again with him. I had repeatedly told him not to run around with two grapes in his cheeks but he ignored all my warnings that it would make him throw up. So of course that’s exactly what happened, all the breakfast that we had painstakingly made him eat this morning ended up (luckily) in a bowl and not on the floor. I got mad and made sure he knew it. Instead of reacting to my anger with his own like he usually does, he obediently finished the rest of his cereal and went to play quietly by himself on the couch while I seethed in my room. I laid down on my bed and called on the Lord and realized that my son quietly playing in the living room was the mature one, not me. I came out of the room, cupped the little face in my hands, looked him in the eyes and said, “Mama is sorry she got mad, but sometimes she really needs you to listen.” He stared back into my eyes and said, “I’m sorry I got mad too and sometimes I need you to listen.” He doesn’t realize that I am listening and that what I hear makes me wish he was my baby again, that he wasn’t growing up so darn fast. This in between stage is hard on mamas too.