I have a confession for you all. I have serious heart problems. My psychological heart that is. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been reading a lot of verses and ministry portions in my morning time with the Lord concerning dealing with our heart, and each time I feel like I get more of a glimpse of my real condition. And let me tell you, what I see isn’t pretty. This is what I’ve been diagnosed with – my heart is hard, wicked, deceitful, bitter, evil, impure – and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. In most cases, such a condition is terminal, and the Bible says it’s actually incurable, but I’m happy that I know the best heart specialist in town. He actually specializes in terminal and incurable cases.
Why is it so important for us to know our heart? Because it’s the soil in which Christ grows and it’s the pathway through which His life flows. If our heart is hard or full of rocks and thorns, there is no way Christ can take root, grow, or bear fruit in us (Matt. 13:31-33). Using another analogy, in our regenerated spirit we have a wonderful, pure, perfect source of eternal, divine, incorruptible life, but this life has to flow through something to be expressed. The Bible tells us to guard our heart above all that we guard because out of it flows the springs of life. You can have the purest, cleanest water in a well, but if that water flows through a dirty, filthy hose, what comes out at the end will not be drinkable, in fact it will make you sick. Out of the abundance of our heart we speak, so if our heart is right and proper, what we speak can actually water and build up others. But if it’s not, we not only defile others, but ourselves as well. (Matt. 15:18-19)
I feel like the Lord has really been touching my speaking lately, which is the clearest indication of what is actually in my heart. The other day I lamented to Larry that sometimes I don’t know why I go all ballistic on CC. In my efforts to discipline him, what comes out of my mouth is just filthy water. What I’m telling him may be right, but the tone in which it comes out shows that I have a very sick heart. I had to confess to the Lord that yes, something in me wanted not just to discipline, but to go beyond that, to make him feel bad, to feel shameful, it was words of discipline mixed with anger and maliciousness. When the light shined, I had to agree, yes Lord, this is what is in my heart and I need help. I finally stopped pretending that I was okay and came to the one who knows my case and knows the healing art. That’s when I realized that there’s still hope for me.
Sometimes when the situation is dire, surgery is required. There’s the need to make deep cuts which might not be so pleasant. But even though it may repair the heart, surgery doesn’t maintain the heart in a healthy condition. Only eating right and exercise can do that. That’s where I feel I am right now. The Lord may have performed some emergency laser surgery, but it’s up to me to cooperate by eating what will keep my heart healthy. It’s up to me to get up in the morning to get into the word, to choose not to do things that will just clog up those arteries again. So even though the diagnosis was severe, I think thankfully the prognosis is good. I hear that if I cooperate, this heart specialist has a 100% cure rate.
If you’d like to read more ministry on dealing with the heart, this book is a wonderful resource and rendered me a lot of help.