My husband constantly assures me that I’m a good wife and mother. It’s nice to hear, but I don’t think I really need that much assurance. Not to boast or anything, but I think I’m doing a pretty darn good job on the domestic front. CC is happy, a good eater and a good sleeper (if he could climb into the crib, I think he could put himself to bed), and by all counts, just an easy child. Sure, most of that is probably because of his inherited mellow temperament, but I’d like to think that my mothering skills had something to do with it too. I’ve also managed to have a good system going so that we have healthy meals, clean clothes, and the apartment is somewhat clean, even when it looks like a tornado just hit our living room. I have no problem with being a housewife (I prefer domestic engineer), and in fact actually enjoy what I do. I think I would choose being a stay at home mom over a successful career any day. (Sorry to any feminists out there who think this is a shame to womankind.)
The problem is, now that my life revolves around my duties as a wife and mother, I’ve forgotten who I was before I became a wife and mother. I don’t know who I am anymore apart from my two boys. On the rare occasion when there are no meals to be prepped, no dishes or laundry to be washed, no grocery shopping to be done, I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. Pretty sad, huh? I have a wonderful kind neighbor who will occasionally come and take CC out so that I can have a couple of hours to myself. It feels great to have the down time, but sometimes I feel lost when I’m out alone. On the one hand, it’s liberating to be able to go out without a stroller or diaper bag, but on the other hand, I feel kind of weird, like I’m missing a limb. (Or for anyone who has read or seen The Golden Compass, I feel like a kid spliced from her daemon). CC is the reason many people smile at me, or strike up conversations with me, so without him, I sometimes feel shy and not as confident in public. Can anybody else out there relate to this, or am I just crazy?
So…I’ve decided that it’s time for me to get a life, at least one that extends beyond being a wife and mother. It’s time for me to learn how to converse with people again…about topics other than potty training or good recipes. Maybe I need to pick up a hobby. Or take a class so that my brain doesn’t turn to mush. Or schedule more play dates…for myself. Anyways, if any moms (or dads) out there have good suggestions for how to re-enter the grown-up world again, please do share! I could use some ideas.